Monday, April 01, 2024

Charity begins at home

Unless I find out I had a rich aunt that lived in Chicago and left me a million dollars I have to be careful with my money. I don't want ConEd to flicker my lights. St. Jude, ASPCA, the Vets, Mercy Ships, Catholic Charities, Fellowship of Christians and Jews etc. etc. There's no way I can give to all of these groups on a regular basis. Of course you also need Car Shield, Life Lock from Norton to protect you from the dark web and American Home Shield in case your washing machine explodes. Got a letter from our parish recently if we can increase our weekly donations. I'm sorry what?

158 comments:

  1. The "Give til it hurts' paradigm. Grab ya by the heartstrings so you blow your dunkin donuts account to save the wretched. My middle girl, the feral savior, cannot watch the ASPCA ads with the pitiful dogs tied with anchor chains, pussey eyes and tail between the legs sad. I told her they were just good actors: some dirt and makeup, do the shoot and trot back over to your silk-lined kennel for a snack of kobi
    steak. Maybe their next gig is the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. She seemed skeptical. Dunno, Z-Man

    ReplyDelete
  2. If I literally gave to all these charities I'd have to have an extra bank account just for that. You'd have your essential bank account of course for things you have no control over (energy bills, property tax, home maintenance, food etc.) and then a totally separate account just for your monthly payments to the various charities because you're an evil person if you don't give. Call it a guilt account. Whenever I'm paying for my groceries now the thing says if I want to feed cancer patients so I hit 2 bucks. Nobody's feeding them?

    ReplyDelete
  3. I tend to go for the underdog in many things. Doctors without borders:
    physicians out in tents, saving lives in the rain- rather than rake in millions is a glamourous clinic. Public TV - putting on great stuff that doesn't draw like 'Masked Singer' and 'Dancing With The Stars'. Several times of year I take stuff over to GoodWill (and don't take a tax deduction like that rich lady over on Birch). My retirement savings is with a religious non-profit, where I can designate donations that accumulate for me during the year. Usually a couple hundred bucks and a thank you note from Camp Lutherhaven up by Spokane. Ain't a
    Lutheran and never been there. Gave up on political donations- might as well send it to the landfill.

    ReplyDelete
  4. April Fool's Day - back in the day, I went to work at 6AM as usual. My desk phone was lit up with saved calls. Sick, death in family, car accident, brother in hospital, car won't start. Entire department absent. Then I heard a lot of snickering and giggling coming from the restrooms down the hall....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I kind of dread the day myself but seems most people forget it's even April 1st.

      Delete
  5. I have a HUGE amount of change at home accumulated over the years. Had to get a bigger container for it. Too cumbersome to count. Yeah I know they have Coinstar. I used to take a good chunk of it and put it in the donation box at Muscoot Farm or throw a handful of it in the fountains at the Danbury Mall. Anyway I could get rid of it. Now as you get older that's too far. Christmas time Salvation Army. I literally don't want it. If a homeless guy came by I'd give it to him God bless. Ain't gonna remodel my kitchen with it. Hey brother can you spare a dime? I have a few.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Small change: won the paycheck lottery when I was in the cosmetics lab in Mpls. $95.00. They gave me a 20 bag of
      small change. Went over to the bank during noon lunch.
      Dumped on the teller's counter and out came a huge supply of metal washers. More humiliating that the time I stood in line at
      Burger King and ordered a Big Mac. Whole place went silent.
      Yeah, being a recluse looks better all the time.

      Delete
  6. Re charities in general you have to be selective. Should you give to Toddlers Without Cell Phones or The Shelter For Overfed Cats?

    ReplyDelete
  7. If you win the billion dollar lottery, you're gonna be a charity magnet.

    ReplyDelete
  8. This Blogger app is severely limited. Many of the reviews aren't good. I used to do my most serious work from a library desktop. That seems years ago. Now the libraries in my county, haven't been to every one of course but they seem to be limiting the use of their public computers maybe to local residents. My home library too crowded and I prefer the more suburban ones. Don't know if this is some sort of covid policy in perpetuity or just a general policy they decided to go with. You do better work from a desktop imo. Sometimes you just prefer the public computer at least once in a while.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Indeed. I have a desktop in basement with 27 in screen and full
      keyboard. On a smartphone with two thumbs, this would read
      i5*eed. i g0ve despop qith 27 hn skreeb & gull reborde.

      Delete
    2. Nothing beats a desktop. Can't do anything with my blog layout from the app. One blog on my sidebar nothing new posted in several years. Guy might be dead. I just wanted to update and give the blog a fresher look. Maybe if I use a neighbor's computer.

      Delete
    3. Desktops range in price and some refurbished go as low as $150-300, Amazon and Walmart have new ones that aren't much more.
      Big screens and even printers (print a lot of stuff) are low $100.
      The problem is set up for me. There is a place called 'Computer Guy that did mine and maintains it. He can even
      take it over and fix it in my house from his shop...often no charge. If you know a friendly nerd, you would be in business.
      Doesn't hurt to check around. Heck you could do a little AI
      and put your face on Arnold Schwartzeneger..you know, for
      Christmas cards?

      Delete
    4. Do have a laptop? Like a small desktop- Mrs. got an ASUS one with quite a large screen at Walmart for $300. She is a computer
      clutz and it is quite forgiving.

      Delete
    5. I made the decision to go with tablets over laptops some time ago. Should have gone with laptops.

      Can't imagine blogging from a smart watch. Income taxes?

      Delete
    6. I just have a regular watch. But it IS smarter than me.

      Delete
  9. On the subject of eclipses the news likes to feature people who have traveled the world over the years and have had the experience of viewing a dozen or more of total solar eclipses. My question is who are these people? They seem to have unlimited funds and unlimited free time. I haven't seen even one eclipse in totality. What kind of jobs do these people have? Do their bosses just say ok go?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Eclipse: That would be my son-in-lw and his daughter. They are stopping here to fly out to Louisville KY and get in the direct total eclipse. Take selifes and fly home. His wife and other girl will stay
    with us, eating out and shopping.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I get odd ads under 'Promotions' in G-Mail. Last month it was to join the Border Patrol/Trip to Anarctica/Become a school teacher in 3 months. Noiw in April, it seems to be Now-Train to be a commercial pilot in 9 months/New Improved stains for your nucleic acid work/A Year's Supply of Hamster food. Hard choices. Can you do those while sitting?

    ReplyDelete
  12. I get a lot of TikTok.

    I see these commercials on TV for hims. Now they're making up their own words.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Got one in Yahoo. Get rid of your debt with a personal loan. Now you owe the personal loan. You can get another personal loan to pay off the first personal loan.

    ReplyDelete
  14. If the $$$$ spent on TV ads was redirected, we would be cancer-free
    by now.

    ReplyDelete
  15. People make a big deal about credit cards. That's a big selling point for personal loans to pay off your credit cards (debt consolidation) but you will always find a reason to use your credit card. I recently had to get a new washing machine. Point 2 unless you have massive credit card debt a moderate or average debt isn't going to hold you back imo. People will say if you only pay the minimum it may take ten or twenty years to pay off your cards. Okay but imagine a loan shark saying I'm ok if you pay me 40 or 50 dollars a month.

    ReplyDelete
  16. OR you can talk to Tom Selleck about reverse mortgages.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I'm sure they are letting you off work on Eclipse Day.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Yeah right. Also gas mileage money.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Got an ad for 30% off downhill ski deal. Didn't say where it was. They
    got a nice slope in Tahiti?

    ReplyDelete
  20. Saw on news that people for all over US and the world were coming into
    Ohio to see the eclipse. 600,000 of them. Accomodations are up to $1000 a night. No rainy cloudy day rebates. What else is there to do in Ohio?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I always wondered about what if it rains. Could turn into Woodstock.

      Delete
  21. I tried to calculate the time of an eclipse. Very complicated. I ended up with the recipe for tootsie rolls.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can you imagine if they had to announce to everybody we made a slight error with our calculations.

      Delete
  22. Huh. TB-News about earthquake in NYC. You guys on a fault line or did
    Chris Christie fall down in Burger King again?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Guy at work said he felt it. Me no. Our workplace is too chaotic to notice a little ground shaking. I'm just glad when I went home my pictures were still on the wall.

      Delete
  23. Commercials on tv that run constantly now. Lume and Mando 72 hour deodorants for pits privates and feet. When was the last time you went to work and somebody said geeez man didn't you deodorize your privates?

    ReplyDelete
  24. Know a couple people that won't use deodorant. They claim it has aluminum compound in it and aluminum has been linked to Alzheimers.
    Shhh- don't tell the huge aluminum can industry. BTW both of those
    deodorant deniers have since started using them again. Something about their popularity ratings.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Deodorant deniers" - that's a lazy and generic term like "anti-vax". Most deodorants now have aluminum free versions. Old Spice is one of them. I go that route.

      Delete
  25. But has the boss ever sent you home for not deodorizing your genitals? Enter Lume and Mando for this national problem.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I spent a few years working in cosmetics chemistry. The aerosol guy
    came up with "Fem Mist". Deodorize the hidden areas. We used to laugh because it was a higher pressure little can than regular hair spray.
    The engineer thought it could kill a bat in mid-flight. I stopped by the
    Fem-Mist genius's lab one day. "what are you working on now?". Oh,
    a got a design for a men's version. I caill it "Foul Balls". My explosives work was more straight forward, just saying.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Conspiracy theory - I honestly think they're trying to discourage sex.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Join any social clubs lately? I'd recommend -
    https://www.yonkersghostinvestigators.com/

    ReplyDelete
  29. I channel surf a lot and have watched my share of "Paranormal Survivor". I'm open-minded but skeptical. Unless you've been drinking there really is no reason for a 7 foot shadow man to come out of your living room wall and threaten you while you're watching Wheel of Fortune.

    ReplyDelete
  30. The Yonkers ghost club. Dunno. People are smelly read a book. Gotta get my Mando first. Don't wanna go there with my un-deodorized privates and offend people.

    ReplyDelete
  31. I am a pushover for veterinarian shows. 'Dr. Oakley - Yukon Vet'. Check a wolverine for sprained ankle, neuter a musk-ox, pull a few dozen quills from a curious labrador's nose, splint a bald eagle's wing and dart a lynx with a blowgun to check its hemorrhoids. Then home for dinner. Odd thing, she lives fifty miles up the bay from my Brother-in-law's home in Juneau - he's never heard of her.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Wait I saw that show. A gorilla is constipated, a skunk has a UTI...

    ReplyDelete
  33. I see there are a couple of TV specials about space shuttles exploding.
    We built a lot of rockets in HS. Most of them exploded. You would not
    catch me sitting atop one, countdown or not.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yet Star Trek makes space seem cool. Who does their laundry? Is there a chef on board?

      Delete
    2. A chef? A laundry mat? Heck, where do they go to take a leak?

      Delete
    3. Where in heck do they fuel up?

      Delete
    4. I think they 'beam up' their laundry to a Chinese place in Frisco.
      Fuel? Scottie's got a stash down in engineering. Bottles of ions for the ion drive.

      Delete
  34. BTW Guys... somebody from Oregon hit the lotto... 1.3 billion. Maybe less taxes and the instant payout, it ends up at pocket change... 500 million. How long til it's all gone?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There's a history of people winning Lottos and going crazy with the money and going bankrupt. We'll see.

      Delete
    2. Biggest problem with that much $$$ is keeping it secret from the Mrs.

      Delete
  35. I don't gamble. I prefer to always lose at games of skill and knowledge.

    ReplyDelete
  36. If I had $1.3 billion, I'd hire a switchboard in Singapore and teach them how so say, "So sorry. I do not understand your request.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Ever troubleshoot problems with your devices. Videos on YouTube. Foreign sounding guy says just clear your cache and reboot your phone here's how. Top comment worked for me thanks only it didn't work for you.

    ReplyDelete
  38. We get spam calls and there is no one there. Just silence. I told Mrs.
    that corporations get full tax credit for hiring handicapped and they probably have a couple of mutes working at the call center. One time,
    my company had a big box of folded cartons, all mixed up by the
    printing on them. Sent them over to the handicapped place to be sorted. They came back even worse. Called the place and they apologized for having the blind guy do it.

    ReplyDelete
  39. I've been getting the same thing for a few weeks now. Same times of day too. Silent telemarketers. Kind of creepy. Yelled at one over the phone once and mixed in a couple of f-bombs. Called back the next day.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Get a lot of "Hello, Grandpa" calls. The old I'm in Jail, send $15,000 in
    Walmart debit cards to Nigeria scam. One old guy with a deep voice
    called. "Hello Grandpa?" "Oh, hi Johanna, are you still learning to ride a bike?"

    ReplyDelete
  41. You notice a considerable number of 'reality show' stars end up in jail?
    'Chrisley Knows Best' and wife, Little Boobo's Mama etc. Had a German boss one time that noted "The further up the flagpole the monkey goes, the more he shows his ass" Typical German observation, I guess.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Whatever happened to Honey Boo Boo?

    ReplyDelete
  43. Whatever ever happened to Baby Jane?

    ReplyDelete
  44. That's a hard one. Witnesses Bette Davis and Joan Crawford died a few decades back, although there might be clues in "Mommie Dearest', one of Joan's discontented adopted kids. Another mystery like "Whatever Happened to Randolph Scott?" or Whatever happened to new Coke?

    ReplyDelete
  45. Or what's up with P. Diddy?

    ReplyDelete
  46. Too much information. As I was typing, I hear the emergency horn blaring on the TV in the den. Rushed in. It was only a test of the Tsunami warning system. I'm at 1345 ft above sea level. Why worry.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Do what the animals do. If they move to higher ground you do too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wouldn't try that with Lemmings, though.

      Delete
    2. Lol yes. Right off the cliff.

      Delete
  48. I often take a nap in mid-afternoon, being old , retired et. al. Did I miss the Woke Movement? Did that come after the Asleep Movement or the Bowel Movement?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm late to this too. My friend said it's like you go up to your black neighbor and apologize for being white. A 10-year old should be able to have a sex change operation. Stuff like that. You're a pragmatic liberal. Woke is when liberalism becomes nutty.

      Delete
    2. Sounds pretty extreme. Sort of the other end of setting fire to the black neighbor's place and using a pellet gun on the cross-dressing kid. Whatever happened to normal?

      Delete
    3. Transsexuals - Obviously a really tiny percentage of the overall population but more than this a really tiny percentage of the population with tons of money as the whole sex change process has to be very expensive and it's elective surgery to boot not like your life depends on it. Thus the issue doesn't resonate with a lot of people. Not hating but if Bruce Jenner were dirt poor could he become Caitlyn?

      Delete
    4. Absolutely a small fraction for so much noise. Phenom has been around awhile. Had a kid in Jr. High and HS that changed sexes yearly. Boy one year, girl the next. Not sure where he/she went to the bathroom (under the bleachers?) but the kid was pretty sad and miserable. Sex surgery was still years off.

      Delete
    5. Can't imagine endless doctor appointments. I don't even like going for a routine doctor appointment. I don't like having to go in for an oil change or going to the vet. My gas tank is getting low now I have to go into the station again? Sex surgery? Whatever happened to a natural aversion to any surgery?

      Delete
  49. Aversion to surgery: one night in hospital for kidney stones. Caught it in a sieve. One night for walking pneumonia. Never broke a bone. Octogenarian almost like new. Blew up a lab once - atomic absorption spectrophotometer leaked acetylene into the attic. Pressed the LIGHT
    button. Roof left, ceiling came down on me, evacuation sirens emptied the factory, lab tech runs by looks in and shout's "He's dead!" She was wrong. Told that tale at my retirement party. Lotta laughs. But they
    were pretty drunk.

    ReplyDelete
  50. It's like I never understood heroin addiction. First off I hate needles then you have to find a vein. Went for a Colovantage blood test once. Girl tried three different areas to find a usable vein. I was about to walk out. Do you know what you're doing?

    ReplyDelete
  51. Knew a guy who was addicted to marathons. Is Christian Brothers addictive?

    ReplyDelete
  52. Bacardi Rum. I have an issue with the bottle. The bottom of the bottle is curved or cupped inward so you think you have more liquid than you have. I like a flat bottom.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Old grumpy lady at the liquor store where I stock up on C.B, Canadian
    Mist and Vodka calls me "handsome". Ran into a cute little lady there last month standing in line. She says 'Hi, I've missed you". I was a bit
    dumbfounded. She says "I'm the waitress at Shari's where you have eaten for years. A person can look different with out the apron and hair net. Mrs. says my social life revolves around every waitress and dental hygienist in town. In my defense, I know several dogs in the neighborhood. Just saying.

    ReplyDelete
  54. I'm not the clubbing type myself. Highlight of my day is hooking up to public wifi at the library.

    ReplyDelete
  55. We feed the squirrels. Peanuts in a pie pan on the kitchen deck. When
    we run out they stand up and look through the sliding door. Squirrel
    society has some sort of pecking order and there is considerable battling over who goes first and last (Which in our case are named
    "Ancient One" and "Ass-end Charlie") Our old one-eyed house cat sits and the window and occasionally tries to jump one through the glass.
    This morning I went out to refill the peanut pan, the squirrels backed off away and I came in. The cat, who has never in 14 years been outside, was on the deck surrounded by squirrels - the whole menagerie silently eye-balling each other. Hollered "Get back in here!"
    and old Mikey scooted back to safety. Jackson Galaxy ever mention
    that cats and squirrels are not natural enemies?

    ReplyDelete
  56. Some of my cats have killed squirrels. Taught that by the mother. We had the mother spayed and lived with us for a time then took off for somewhere else. We adopted most of her first litter and one from the second. I saw the tuxedo eating a squirrel in the back yard once after having hunted it. They're all friendly with me though. Wonder if Jackson ever heard of that.

    ReplyDelete
  57. We had a cat that specialized in rabbits, the second was a semi-half
    Main Coon that was a birder. Third lasted a month and got run over by
    a car. How are Bobcats around the house?

    ReplyDelete
  58. I have a working theory that various levels and mixes of Savannah cats have interbred and mixed into the general stray cat population. Superior hunting skills and jump much farther than the average cat. Cat population changing? Conspiracy theory?

    ReplyDelete
  59. Could be. You got any outlying savannahs around Yonkers?

    ReplyDelete
  60. From what I've seen, cats are into rough sex.

    ReplyDelete
  61. & they don't practice birth control.

    ReplyDelete
  62. Seen these "Zoo" programs where they bring in a male or female from some other zoo to create some young endangered species. Sometimes works, sometimes not. Do they need better dining and lighting?

    ReplyDelete
  63. I did. The generations of the half-breed species F1,F2, etc end with 5th generation males being sterile. Which follows Haldane's Rule. Since the brilliant but eccentric JBS Haldane also had a dilemma, a sieve, an equation and a principle and a lot of strange quotes, check him out. Tell the librarian you have been reading Haldane and see if
    she blinks. When our cat was younger it could jump on top of the
    6 ft grandfather clock. I think he took a running jump from the dresser. He would sleep there much of the day, free of bother from
    us humans.

    ReplyDelete
  64. I guess there wasn't a pair of savannah cats on the ark? Jehovah Witness come by to convert me. "Noah lived until he was 900".
    'Gee, he must have been awfully bend and wrinkled' "Oh no, he was
    even fathering more children" "You see, in those days they were only a few generations from adam and eve and every one still ate healthy
    food" 'Nice talking ot you, I gotta go get a Twinkie'.

    ReplyDelete
  65. Be nice BB. I usually say not interested but take The Watchtower.

    You're what is known as a scientific materialist. If you can't put a ghost in a test tube it doesn't exist.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Most people chase them off the porch. I let them in and listen to their spiel. Never have tried to convert anyone from their religious beliefs - works for them. In the Army in Utah we were surrounded by Mormons. Nice people. Asked the lady in tech records one day "How come the Latter Day Saints have such large families?" She said, "Because when God creates a soul, it needs a body". Curious, I asked "what if he ends up with too many bodiless souls?" After some thought, she said she would check with the Bishop" You know, just office chatter.

      Delete
  66. I've been away for over three years. A lot has happened. Saty has reconverted to devout Catholicism but you haven't become less curmudgeonly. When I retire I don't want to become known as the neighborhood grouch.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Scientific materialist? Probably guilty. When in scientific mgt, I had to take the Briggs-Myers personality index and came out to be what they term INTP. About 3.3% of the population. Among traits for this type,
    "They have a reputation for being pensive, detached, and a bit reserved. That is, until they actively try to direct all of their mental energy on the moment or the person at hand. But regardless of which mode they’re in, INTPs are Introverts and tend to get tired out by extensive socializing. After a long day, they crave time alone to consult their own thoughts" They also are more common in the sciences, and
    "When they connect with someone who can match their mental energy, INTPs absolutely light up, leaping from one thought to another. Few things energize them like the opportunity to swap ideas or enjoy a lively debate with another curious, inquiring soul"
    So you may be the type as well? My problem is that I am more useless than a rubber crutch in a number of areas.

    ReplyDelete
  68. Probably. Went to a family bbq once and guy was a hedge fund manager who dabbled in software. Absolutely nothing to talk about. Asked him what RAM meant then touched on an owl program that was on tv. The other guy my brother's friend was into cryptozoology. Much more interesting. Hard to get a good discussion going at work about "Last Tango In Paris" though.

    ReplyDelete
  69. I'm also terrible at urinals. Hate when a manager comes in to use another urinal. What do you talk about? I'm not the only one. Another worker told me he waits for the supervisor to leave the bathroom first before going in. Nothing wrong with a little introversion.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You might try, "You know of any good IPAs around?" The one that never works is the old "You still beating your wife?"

      Delete
  70. Urinal- a large vertical litter box where the litter is replaced by a handle.
    Now dogs - no shame, anywhere, in front of anyone. Not a bad life, sniff a little, get petted and empty your bladder.

    ReplyDelete
  71. We had a dog. Dad and I would take him for walks in a wooded area. Liked to roll around in dead animals. Cats don't do that.

    ReplyDelete
  72. Hard to walk a cat in the woods. They have a different mindset than their canine relatives.

    ReplyDelete
  73. Judge Judy says if you take 'em out put 'em on a leash like she does.

    ReplyDelete
  74. JJ the Lady Of The Leash

    ReplyDelete
  75. Dog lounge lizard - when I was a kid, a couple 6th grade girls were petting a roaming dog. Nice dog. Started humping one the girl's leg.
    She said, "Look, he likes me!" Kind of miss 6th grade.

    ReplyDelete
  76. Grade school memory - Went to gym class in the local park. Returned to class. Slowly realized I had stepped in dog stuff. Why me?

    ReplyDelete
  77. We get a lot of people walking their dog up the street. If I'm outside, I usually ask about their pet and compliment them. One day this lady comes up the street pushing a baby carriage with a big old bulldog
    looking out. I was sort of at a loss for words. Lady pipes up, "Yeah, I know"

    ReplyDelete
  78. Camping one time back when I was a Wisconsin native. The wife and I tenting near a sign that said Beware of Bears- Tie up Garbage. Woke up around 2 AM, garbage cans rattling and grunting. I says to Mrs. "You think that might be those Grizzles they warned about?" She pops up, says "Gimmee the flashlight" and stormed right out into the jaws of danger. "Go away! Scat!" It was a pair of raccoons. You
    know the old saying - Somebody has to wear the pants in the family.

    ReplyDelete
  79. Might want to confirm with Jackson Galaxy if bears really do that.

    ReplyDelete
  80. My wild animal viewing has usually been from a moving car: a mother black bear and two cubs in WI, A golden eagle on a downed fawn in MN (scared the bird off and the fawn dashed back into the pines) a mama moose and kid in Idaho (I had pulled over to take a lead - it was quick, as mama came at me) and a long legged lynx over in the Blue Mts in WA. Still haven't seen a Sasquatch.

    ReplyDelete
  81. You need time to take a proper leak otherwise you're gonna have dribble-itis.

    ReplyDelete
  82. Used to be able to write my name in the snow. Now my enlarged prostate rules the flow.

    ReplyDelete
  83. I always knew where somebody walked their dog by the yellow snow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can tell the breed by the distance above the sidewalk.

      Delete
  84. Or possibly an Eastern Coyote marked the wayside?

    ReplyDelete
  85. Or maybe the Eastern cryptid catamount.

    ReplyDelete
  86. You been reading crypdid 101
    https://www.cryptidophilia.com/what-is-a-cryptid/
    again?

    ReplyDelete
  87. Many years back I was walking the North County Trail in Amawalk/ Granite Springs. That's a paved bike path in upper Westchester County NY. At one of the trailheads I came across a deer head with neck but no body. Wha' happened? Hungry 'squatch?

    ReplyDelete
  88. Maybe a poacher from Hoboken?

    ReplyDelete
  89. Thanks to the prescient isaac Asimov we a relived to find the rules
    of robots (keep in mind AI)
    The First Law: A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
    The Second Law: A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
    The Third Law: A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
    I'm thinking they should be more stringent-
    Don't strangle the cat
    change your oil in the garage
    charge your batteries in private
    Don't take a lunch to work - take your tool box
    I'm also thinking Z-Man has some pithy instructions as well?

    ReplyDelete
  90. In the Terminator movies all that goes out the window.

    ReplyDelete
  91. OMG! Schwarzenegger is a robot?

    ReplyDelete
  92. My mother worked in a public library. They put books on reserve for patrons. Yankee Third Baseman Graig Nettles had written a book called "Balls.". One day a woman came up to the Circulation Desk and said "do you have Balls for my husband?"

    ReplyDelete
  93. That's baseball. Old St. Louis game the announcer noticed they kept switching to a couple kissing in the stands. By the third inning he announced, "I got it figured out. He kisses her on the strikes and she
    kisses him on the balls. Network went silent for a bit.

    ReplyDelete
  94. Perfectly legitimate word that can cause problems. It's like you don't even know you're doing it.

    ReplyDelete
  95. I sometimes use harmless synonyms like. Oh-oh, you're in deep ka-ka
    now. Also "fecal matter hits the fan" might do.

    ReplyDelete
  96. I know Taylor Swift gives to charities but if I had her $$$$$ .....Googling cat rescue groups near me and one cat needs $8,000 in surgery. If I had her dinars I'd sit me down in a chair and yeah cat gets 8K no prob and just go on down the list. Toddlers Without Cell Phones (check) etc.

    ReplyDelete
  97. T'm thinking there are enough charities out their to wipe out Taylor Swift. We recall Sir Thomas Browne's 1642 observation "Charity begins at home." It's illuminating looking up charities and seeing how much is left for the purpose after CEO pay and advertising costs. I figure if 95% goes for that it's a scam.

    ReplyDelete
  98. So a guy in Africa has a tumor on his face the size of a basketball. His girlfriend dumped him because of this. If I donate money for his surgery it's not going for his surgery?

    ReplyDelete
  99. According to https://www.charitynavigator.org/ein/262414132 , Mercy Ships have a 4 star 99% positive rating. Not sure it they do
    basketballectomies though.

    ReplyDelete
  100. You knew that I would google 'odd charities' right?
    The Critter Connection -saving abandoned Guinea Pigs
    Helping Hands Monkey Helpers- helping disabled monkeys
    Be A Dear, Donate A Brassiere- 25,000 so far "Let's fill every cup!"
    Tall Club International Foundation -scholarships for the vertically endowed. Where's Taylor Swift when you need her?

    ReplyDelete
  101. Also on that list is the Naked Clowns and the Cattle Women. Abandoned guinea pigs and disabled monkeys is a tough one.

    ReplyDelete
  102. I appreciate odd lists. Like Pittbulls & Parolees, pairing dogs with
    occupations. Say
    Chihuahuas & Chefs
    Poodles & Policemen
    Dachshunds & Divas
    Terriers & Terrorists
    Boxers & Wrestlers
    Improbable but edifying for the TV-challenged

    ReplyDelete
  103. Charities always give you the option of charging say 9 dollars to your credit card every month and it's done automatically. I would never go for that as it's so easy to max out on a Visa or Mastercard. I actually don't like automatic monthly electronic payments for anything as you might have a life situation that gives a blow to your balance. I'm old school. Snail mail and get the checkbook out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ditto that. Wife had one for the exercise place. She had surgery and quit. The company that dealt with the contract kept taking a monthly fee for three years, while I sent letters and called and jumped through hoops. Finally called the local police. They said "Just don't pay". It worked. Should have called them 3 years earlier.

      Delete
    2. I don't like it. It's like a secret hand opening your drawer and taking a twenty out of your wallet at 3 in the morning when you're sleeping. Yes you agreed to it and seemed like a good idea at the time. Hey go paperless! No give me the tree back.

      Delete
  104. I read someplace that older people don't run up charges on their cards,
    while the z-generation run them up to the limit and pay mostly interest.
    Ever go to one of those places that won't accept cash?

    ReplyDelete
  105. Just renewed my AAA membership online yesterday. Apparently only a credit card will do.

    ReplyDelete
  106. I'm guessing that is the American Anonymous Alcoholic group?
    I've been with AARP for years. It's what ya say when you try to get up
    off the couch.

    ReplyDelete
  107. Automobile Association of America.

    I hate when people give up drinking. They used to be so easy to shop for for Christmas and birthdays.

    ReplyDelete
  108. A most excellent point, Z-Man.

    ReplyDelete
  109. Used to be you could just pick up a bottle of Chivas Regal and ask them to wrap it. Now you're looking at Russell Stover.

    ReplyDelete
  110. Was able to get Chivas Regal at the PX on active duty. Quite reasonable price-wise, but I have no Scotch genes. The officer's club
    was 7&7 for me (Seagram's 7 and 7UP.) What do you get your Mom?

    ReplyDelete
  111. Nice plush toys. Nurse says gotta watch the sweet desserts.

    ReplyDelete
  112. Watched a 2 hour show on TV on whiskey production. Kind of like
    Moonshiners on steroids. Charred oak barrels- the big secret -who knew?

    ReplyDelete
  113. You'd think one hour would cover it well enough.

    ReplyDelete
  114. Then there's Swamp People.

    ReplyDelete
  115. I understand the the highest alcohol content stuff is called 'Everclear'
    Recommended for cleaning paintbrushes and engine parts. Little old lady in front of me at the Liquor Store checked out with a bottle of the stuff. Asked the clerk "is that stuff even still legal?" He said they keep in in special section and the little old lady is a regular.

    ReplyDelete
  116. I'm pretty much good with 80 proof. No need to be put into a coma.

    ReplyDelete
  117. My rule of thumb - 5/6 bottles of beer = a decent shot of hard stuff.
    (Ruling out the bathroom issues)

    ReplyDelete
  118. & the need to get new pants.

    ReplyDelete
  119. Was at a company picnic one year. Standing in line for a burger and this sloshed kid from the 22 cal dept tripped and spilled his Coors all over me. Says "Oh, sorry, I'm kind of drunk." I said it was OK, what are company picnics for? (not unlike the rest stop on the way to Connecticut)

    ReplyDelete
  120. Beer pot and intercourse in the woods. Ummm how was I conceived again?

    ReplyDelete
  121. Unless you were a 'crack baby', legitimately and normally.

    ReplyDelete
  122. Literalizing the humor again. Meant to say if someone was conceived in this fashion.

    ReplyDelete