Wednesday, December 31, 2008
It ain't Merry Christmas but it'll do
Instead of starting a blog about quasars or the Gaza Strip or wallpaper or God forbid Happy Holidays and having it turn into some pro-abortion cistern of bad feeling I wanted to say something about my fellow Social Conservatives here. I don't see them poking their noses into people's lives. They live by broad social conservative principles, let's say they don't have sex outside of marriage and this covers a lot of ground I never heard of a group of them conducting surveys in their local neighborhoods on your sexual habits. The chances are very very good indeed they don't know anything about what Bob or Collins are doing or what Myself is up to (if anything, I think they talk big and wouldn't surprise me if one is 18 and blogging in his basement when he needs to be cleaning his room). In my neck of the woods I have absolutely no idea who's had or been a party to an abortion and I don't see myself trying to find out. Honestly I don't think conservatives as a rule conduct sex surveys at all, wasn't it Kinsey and Masters & Johnson who wanted to know what we were all up to? I always thought the man in the M&J team looked like that guy in Phantasm with the killer ball which brings to mind what one young wag once said on the Phil Donahue show: "how come most sex therapists look like you wouldn't want to have sex with them?" Dr. Ruth may be a veritable fount of sexual knowledge but let's pretty much keep it on an intellectual level. So besides social conservatives having a broad set of philosophical and moral principles they live by or at least try to (nothing wrong with having goals) I don't see how they're poking their nose into People's Business. I'm hearing a lot of talk of late but not much backing up. Now watch this blog get a big fat goose egg for comments and I'll start a blog about stamp collecting and everybody will unload. Fair Warning though, if you want to be an asshole and post about abortion on a totally non-abortion related topic I'm gonna delete your ass as in permanently.
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I beg to differ. I've come across a great many of these social conservatives who seem to have some beef with the fact that I've happily been with the same woman for 13 unmarried years (co-habitating no less).
ReplyDeleteI have a myriad of ways to respond to such inquiries into my personal life (some pointed and some less so).
Soapie, are you sure that it is only social conservatives who question why you have not married your girlfriend of 13 years? Or is it everyone who asks (and I would assume they ask because most people are curious as to why you wouldn't just get married already) but I for one when you told me did not judge you or tell you I think you should get married (although I think you should but I kept it to myself until now).
ReplyDeleteAs for why people think you should, it is probably because most people in love do. But I realize you are not like most people, so I assume you will continue your life as you have been and will be very happy, as will your honey, and as long as you are happy who cares what I think or anybody else thinks you should do? Although I know your answer is that you don't care (except you do or you wouldn't have griped about it here, would you?)
I'll grant you that Beth. However, I do know that a fair number are, what we would probably term, social conservatives.
ReplyDeleteAnyhow, you are quite right in that I don't care what one's perception of our relationship or committment to one another is. And, for the record, my mention of it wasn't so much a "gripe" as it was a casual observation I thought I'd mention as I had something to add to the discussion.
As you well know, I live my life by my own standard. When a stereotypical society more or less told me I needed a 4 year liberal arts degree, I needed to buy a house with a white picket fence, get married in a church with friends and relatives in attendance, have two children (a boy and girl), a golden retriever, etc.
My first response was always:
"And if I should not?? (what other road might I travel and will my life be any less gratifying)."
In some states soapie wouldn't that qualify as a common-law marriage? BTW I agree totally with you about that 4 year liberal arts degree and blogged about it recently.
ReplyDeleteyeah....but not in this state apparently.
ReplyDeleteI think in NY State here it's 7 years, don't move here soapster. I kind of agree with Beth though, maybe the people were just curious though some were undoubtedly socially conservative. You're in a relationship as they say.
ReplyDeleteThe question I wanna know the answer to is not so much why they care or why they want to know. No..instead I want to know why and what preconditions people to think that it's even wholly necessary?
ReplyDeleteLike we're all just cut-outs or something....
Must be those God forsaken institutions of "higher learning".
Personally I wouldn't care whether you were married or not, Soapie, I just think YOU should since you have told me you'd like to have kids, but that you wouldn't have them unless you were married. So at that point is when I started thinking you should get on with it already. If you hadn't told me those two things, I wouldn't think anything of you cohabitating.
ReplyDeleteYeah...I dunno about the kids thing.
ReplyDeleteI guess it's none of my business but what changed your mind?
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't that anything changed my mind really. We still might have children someday.
ReplyDeleteSome people adopt the societal view that it is their moral duty to pro-create. It's as if they think their life will be unfullfilled if they don't. I've never been like that. I love kids don't get me wrong. But, I don't think for a minute that I'll go to my grave thinking my life was any less significant if I don't have them.
We had this new woman at work, a black woman and I only bring that up because I'm not against the interracial thing and she goes one day to me "are you married?" Right off the bat I'm vaguely uncomfortable as where's this headed but it could be romantic so who knows so when I say no her second question is "why not?"
ReplyDeleteEXCUSE ME BUT WHO MADE YOU AN AGENT OR ENFORCER OF SOCIAL CUSTOMS?
So anyway I jabbed back with "are YOU married?" and she said no and I went "why not?" I felt a little bad about it later but these-type cultural interrogations for me are like DANGER - OFF-LIMITS - HIGH VOLTAGE, you're getting in my space, it's none of your F'n business, my reasons are my reasons alone but you get these people every now and then. Like the whole goal of dating which I'm not a big fan of as you know is to be like everyone else, have that white-picket fence and Golden Retriever as soapie put it. I also hate matchmaking attempts with a passion, I'd rather at least be vaguely in love with someone first before I even go out with them. Dating is like socially required these days, a forced custom but the way it's evolved into this frantic search for a mate is stupid imo, in fact it's almost revolting.
BIGOT!
ReplyDeleteI'll buy you a prescription pair of eyeglasses if you need them snarkle, tinted glass costs extra but I'm willing to splurge.
ReplyDeleteProof that people read what they want to read, forget the facts, man, they get in the way of a good old fashioned false accusation!
ReplyDeleteSo then the issue becomes to please this woman and others like her do you get married early in life so as to get that first divorce under your belt (divorce seems to be culturally required these days too) or do you wait a while and do it the right way?
ReplyDeleteFor us Z, we're thinking we'll get married when we're in our 70's. That should be good fun...
ReplyDeleteWe just want others to suffer like us you know, misery loves company, right?
ReplyDeleteActually though soapie there are people who do just that and they seem to be the happiest ones.
ReplyDeleteYeah, people are just jealous because they went along with the social pressures and you didn't and are probably happier.
ReplyDeleteWell it just seems like such a ridiculous cultural cycle. Get married like everyone else, get about 10 years or less of conjugal life under your belt and then get divorced. I've heard other young people say the same thing, we see what the rest of y'all are doing and we ain't in no hurry, we can wait. Makes sense to me.
ReplyDelete