Things I hate about Twitter

For starters tweeting sounds vaguely gay but that's not the point. Twitter is the stupidest thing on the Internet,

vapid celebrity xyz: "I just took a dump" (later picked up by "E.T." and "Access Hollywood" and talked about during your favorite drive-time morning show the next day when they should be playing music. Scott 'n' Todd, whassup?)

Twitter is the Ego run amok. We're all mini-Sheens now. Young guy at work told me about his Facebook page (Twitter/Facebook, same thing), check it out. Thanx I'll try not to. Now most bloggers have a massive ego that goes beyond healthy (Twitter/Facebook/Blogging, same deal) and the thing with Sheen, I couldn't cap it at first but he has Lucifer Syndrome. "I am the greatest. I fell like lightning from the Sky, I will set up my own Kingdom" and other drug-induced, existentially distorted bullshit). Whatever was gleaned of value in that 20/20 interview he is now reduced to some roving asshole, Dad must be sooooo proud. They say his upcoming city to city comedy tour sold out in a matter of minutes. These are probably, I'm only hazarding a guess here the same folks who wiped out all those potassium iodide tablets from the shelves because some molecule of Strontium-90 or Caesium-137 might float over the East Coast (it's not that they're chem majors but they seem to have an uncanny ability to pick up important info before you do kind of through osmosis, otherwise they're watching Married with Children). Oh well there's always kelp (for now). I remember during one of our major snowstorms this past winter and this was right before the first flakes fell but it got so busy so early I couldn't even set up the showcase, first time that's happened. It was retarded busy and I don't think this culture could make it through the Apocalypse but you can be sure as hell they would have to tweet about it (the combo blogger/tweeter/facebooker: "The asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter just broke free and is now hurtling towards the Earth. HOLY SHIT!!!"). I was in Dick's Sporting Goods the other day with my friend, the new one they built in the Danbury Fair Mall and they got these things by Camelbak in the bike section. Basically what it is is it looks like some kind of backpack deal but the idea is you put water in it and there's a tube that goes in your mouth and you suck the water out (as Carlin once pointed out this society seems to feel the need for constant hydration). Then if you buy that you have to buy the cleaning kit that goes along with it of course. My friend seemed interested but that's how they suck you in I said. Now unless you plan on being stranded in the Alaskan wilderness a bottle of BB's overpriced tap water should suffice for your immediate needs when you're simply bicycling, hiking or just jerking off in the woods. Jobs, my friend said every job we've had in our lives has scum in it and you begin to wonder are people really this way? Shellshocked by Life. Nature is acting different too these days. Saw a pigeon the other day soaring, must've thought he was a hawk. The Archie Bunker Talking Alarm Clock: "Get the hell up, geeeez." I have to go home later and bang the crumbs out of my toaster oven, should I tweet about it?:)