(TMI Disclaimer: If you don't like scatological commentary please turn the page. If u post thanx 4 sharing why did you just read the whole thing?) You see the thing about Port-o-Sans -- there are two on the South County Trail, one at Great Hunger Memorial Park in Ardsley which I still refer to as Woodlands and the other at the Farragut Ave. parking lot at the Hastings-on-the-Hudson end. Now for me to use a Port-o-San for the other thing it has to be Absolutely Necessary, some kind of an apocalyptic emergency, Omega Man with the trots and so yesterday sparing the reader the more graphic details a critical decision was rendered that at the end of my walk I would bite the bullet. There exists a Murphy's Law of Port-o-Sans, it's a cosmic mechanism that doesn't vary and that is that somebody always took a dump before you got there. Doesn't matter if the tank guy just came by a half hour before to clean the place out and hose it down and in this case that same tank guy ain't coming 'til next Tuesday and yesterday was Thursday. At this point due to the condition of the facility ANOTHER critical decision was rendered to wait for the public library to open at 10:00, geez only about 40 minutes away so this is where your meditative powers and use of nice pleasant imagery like babbling brooks comes into heavy play. Now I've used enough public facilities in my lifetime to come to the conclusion that this nation ain't digesting its food right, it's a public health concern and just this morning I checked out the other Port-o-San at Farragut out of a kind of perverse curiosity and same deal. Someone shellshocked by Life, the same jogger working off a bad divorce? Ah what job stress hath wrought, what it's done to our once fine country and they can't pay this tank guy enough imo (Spanish guy, go figure). Basic potty training is the foundation of Civilization and we're obviously a country in decline. When my friend worked at Pathmark in dairy I'd meet him there every once in a while towards the end of his shift to go out and had to go once, nothing serious mind you so he showed me through the breakroom and on to the Men's Room. Let's just say all three stalls were a federal disaster area and I asked him wha'happened? and he said one of the workers wasn't feeling good. OK I get it, I understand but how'd the stuff get on the walls? I honestly don't know how the gays do it, God bless 'em. The rest stop at the train depot at White Plains, pretty gangster. Ever have a bird crap on your head? Is that supposed to bring good luck?
As far as I know the bird crap does bring you luck, freshman year of high school at Cedar Point a friend was pooped on by a bird and later that evening won 3 times at those games where you had to fling a quarter onto a plate...3 times! Nobody does that without luck!
ReplyDeleteBeing that fully 70% of my professional life is centered on intestinal activity (or the lack thereof) I have to tell you I laughed my ass off through this whole thing.
ReplyDeleteWe had a lecture one time in school entitled 'Shit Or Die'. And how true it is.
Well done.
I feel bad for those construction guys and gals, have to use the Port-o-San all day. Saw a sexual solicitation written on the walls of a Port-o-San once, now that's a new low for even this culture, Port-o-San Sex. Yeah there's nothing like the strong whiff of formaldehyde to get one in the Mood.
ReplyDeletePeople are freaks.
ReplyDeleteEven discussions of porn ain't normal anymore. When I worked in the wholesale flower place in White Plains during a slow time or at the end of the day us drivers (of course we were all male) would hang around and some guy was talking about a tape he saw once and on the tape was some woman and a German Shepherd and it had nothing to do with Westwinster. Have a cuz who talked about some scat flick he saw...Jenna is so yesterday.
ReplyDeleteWhat's the point of watching if all you're looking at is stuff you can do better? (Cmon, some of those girls are truly worthless.)
ReplyDeleteIf I'm gonna waste the time, at least lemme see something I've 1. never seen before and/or 2. would never do myself.
Course, and this is the truth, I can't remember how long it's been since I've watched any. But I assure you it wasn't any garden-variety vanilla bullshit when I did.
This is a whole other subject but a good one. The whole genre of porn, it continues to rake in more than basketball, football and baseball combined but the only relevant market question here is why? If the product is just the same it doesn't make that much sense from a business angle. BTW there's quite a few spelling errors in porn so the education level isn't very high to begin with.
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