I'll have an LGBTQ hold the mayo

 So far Five Guys haven't changed their name to Five Gays but we do have or had DEI sprinkled throughout society until Trump outlawed them.  He's issued executive orders on everything that annoys him and has even given orders on statues and monuments.  He's taken over the Smithsonian and Kennedy Center why I don't know.  Maybe he wants to hold an awards ceremony for himself.  He's issued tariffs on cars but has said to car makers don't pass the added cost onto prospective car buyers.  Ok no prob DUH.  Nothing yet about the price of eggs or Fancy Feast.  No real bread and butter issues to date just side issues and strange personal obsessions.  BTW can we still honor the memory of Sidney Poitier?

Maybe next time add a Houthi to a group chat?

 Maybe someday you'll be able to get Yemen war plans on your Smart TV.  If I was new to blogging struggling to come up with a name during the early days of the 2nd Trump Administration it would have just hit me in the shower,

You Can't Make This Shit Up

Meanwhile JD Vance is going to join his wife Usha in Greenland for a creepy visit upcoming. See the sights dine on whatever Greenlanders eat and exert some pressure.  A kind of friendly Mafioso sitdown.  Is  Musk going to abolish the DMV?  The dismantled DOE workers where do they wind up slicing deli meats?  I get the OAN channel crystal clear in these parts and some nights host Riley Lewis looks like he's going to uncork one.  The erstwhile sensible National Review is all MAGA now.  Lonely.  Maybe I'll go smoke a pipe with Mitch McConnell. 

You know it would all make sense if I was involved in a horrible car accident and wound up in a comatose state and this was all a bad dream.  The Orange Man is real though.  It'll all be over in 3 years and 10 months if we have a country left.

The Stranded guide to home improvement

 Hire a contractor.  I only go so far with DIY.  I have a toilet plunger.  Ever browse through those home improvement forums?  Your head swims after awhile.  What in heck are they talking about?  Recently learned what a stud finder is and it has nothing to do with Andrew Cuomo.  I know how to change a light bulb.  Just had my attic ladder fixed and went up there to clean up.  What in hell happened?  Did a squirrel have a party up there?  Growing up I went up there A LOT.  Now my bones are creaking.  For the cost of home improvement they should abolish the property tax.  BTW where is my 5K DOGE check?  I want to do some things.

Long

 Trump's Joint Address to Congress last night.  He practically said everything he was expected to say.  Dems look constipated.  Heckler with a cane was escorted out early.  Some Dems holding signs saying "False" and "Save Medicaid".  Some girl walked out midway through with a "Resist" t-shirt on.  Bernie Sanders had to leave early.  Still not getting Gulf of America and Greenland.   Are we building a telescope there?  Big focus on immigrant crime. Republican pep rally basically.  Then the Asian rum took its effect and I went to bed.

Does Zelensky even own a dress or business suit?

 Has the Ukrainian president ever heard of a dress code?  Does he attend funeral services in casual attire?  In his younger days did he go on job interviews wearing polo shirts and khakis? Where does he shop?  Yes he dissed the WH today by going in dressed like a shlub and started yelling at Trump and Vance about the war and left early in a huff without signing the rare earth minerals deal with the US.  Trump accused him of being ungrateful and gambling with WW3 and Vance gave him a lecture as only Vance can give.  Gone are the days of quiet diplomacy.  

Say what you will I wasn't bored.  Gotta get me a bucket of popcorn next time.

Will Dennis Rodman be a tour guide?

 Fun place to visit wouldn't want to live there.  North Korea looking to bolster and rejuvenate its international tourism industry since the pandemic.  Already some Russians have seen the sights.  Hmmm...,,,reading just now Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un launching a crackdown on drinking.  There goes the Christian Brothers.  As the price of eggs here continue to soar Trump is thinking condos on North Korea's eastern shoreline.  Kim likes to execute wayward government officials with an anti-aircraft gun from time to time.  It's not on my vacation list.  Neither is the Middle East.  In Germany you can now be arrested for posting insults to politicians online.  In Scotland you can apparently be arrested in your own home for praying if you live too close to an abortion clinic or so I've heard.  Ukraine no.  I think I'll stay home.

While the shitshow continues

 

What did you do last week?  Can you justify it?  I notice consumer confidence has sank, the price of eggs keeps rising and it costs more to feed our pets.  The ambiguous duo Musk and Trump keep bullying and acting like co-monarchs.  More important to secure a mineral rights deal with Ukraine whatever the heck that means.  A proper federal worker response to Musk's emails about what they did last week might be I was just standing around with my thumb up my ass.  Who put the nerdboy in charge of the country anyway? 

The dork with a chainsaw

 I'm just waiting for some sense of normality from this Administration but we're not getting it.

You gotta be careful with those things.  Musk had a chainsaw at CPAC but I recently bought a polesaw at Lowe's last summer to cut up some dead branches in the backyard.  Dealt with a lot of dead branches down through the years from Yonkers storms.  The polesaw is a version of a chainsaw a handy tool for dealing with unwanted small trees on your property or at least when the limbs pose a problem.  Only used it a couple of times.  Tricky getting the chain tension just right.  Came off a couple of times while testing it out no harm.  I wouldn't hire Musk.  A nerd with a power tool scares me.  Don't know if he even knows how to use a condom.

The weird theater is becoming tiresome.  Will Trump sign off on the House plan to cut Medicaid and break a campaign promise?  Maybe it's time to free himself from Musk.  This bromance can't last forever.

I pretty much don't watch SNL It's past my bedtime

 Everybody's still talking about Tom Hanks and his stupid spoof of a racist MAGA supporter on SNL's 50th Reunion Special.  This was stupid on so many levels.  It's a time-honored comedic tradition to go after the president but not the people who voted him into office.  Plenty of Bill Clinton jokes back in the day but no jokes about Bill Clinton supporters per se.  Tom Hanks' career is basically over at this point.  Other than that I just don't watch the show.  Hash it up if you want but SNL is well past its prime.

Trump reminds me of Mr. Mayhem on the Allstate commercials

 Shock and Awe.  The DOGE.  Have Musk and Trump showered together yet?  Do we really need cancer research?  When am I going to get my tax refund?  Will Trump change the street cleaning days in Yonkers?  Layoffs of thousands of federal workers.  When can I expect my first DOGE check?  Will Medicaid still cover nurse visits?  When is ICE coming to Yonkers?  Trump wants Zelensky to pay the money back with rare earth minerals.  Like what?  Hannity was more interested in what Musk had to say.  Why does Musk want the personal details of millions of Americans?  When are we going to Mars?

Chaos.

I'm sorry, what?

 So I'm reading on my phone Sen. Ted Cruz is in talks with Denmark about purchasing Greenland.  Why Cruz?  Why not the My Pillow guy?  How come Ronald Reagan never thought of this?  Welcome to the political Twilight Zone.  The bizarre Trump presidency continues. 

Do we really need health inspectors?  You know those folk who protect us from things like rancid meat.  With this billionaire punk nothing is off the chopping block.  Musk is not interested in the policy of attrition.  Say a company or agency has too many workers when they leave or retire you don't replace them.  Not dramatic enough.

A LONG four years with the joyless prick in office.  What does Melania think?

Everything but the cost-of-living

 Being a foreign policy hero.  The DOGE.  The term "government efficiency" always strikes me as an oxymoron.  When is Homan going to go after the lettuce pickers, the masonry workers, the diner cooks and the fence installers?  Is Trump going to tariff the Aleutian Islands?  A Trump Hotel on the Gaza Strip?  Panama Canal. Greenland.  Canada.  Gulf of America.  Rare Earth minerals in Ukraine.  Cutting the Defense budget in half.  Would Reagan have done such a thing?  Dementia in overdrive.  Why doesn't he make a peace treaty with the fairies?  The MAGA cult and OAN applaud his every move. EVERYTHING but the price of eggs and Fancy Feast.

Oy vey!

But does he know how to install an attic ladder?

 On a budget. Contractors charge too much.  So I woke up this morning to find the front gate wide open, went out to close it and found a homeless Mexican sleeping on the front porch in the corner with his own bedding and about three of those reusable shopping bags.  Regardless of the situation I ALWAYS go downstairs first to set the coffee and then feed the cats I mean if the house isn't on fire or something.  We called the cops they came and the man got up and took his stuff and left.  I asked the lady cop if they take him anywhere and she said no.  Homan might offer him a nice place to stay with three square meals a day and running water dunno.  The homeless guy left empty peanut shells all over the place snacking during the cold night.  Also left his bedding on the sidewalk which I had to throw out.  Code Enforcement you know can't take a chance.  Welcome to the Big YO.  What would Hannity have done?

Patio needs a little work.  Does he do masonry?  Ho ho ho and a bottle of Jose Cuervo.

Hide the Lucky Charms RFK Jr. confirmed as Secretary of Health and Human Services

 If RFK Jr. were a veterinarian would he advise against getting shots for your dog or cat?

Trump renames the Bermuda Triangle as the American Triangle

 May as well be.  Apparently AP reporters are banned from all Trump press conferences for not using the new coinage Gulf of America.  The man has splinters in the windmills of his mind to use a phrase from the old Carol Burnett Show.

You can't make this shit up.

Taylor Swift and Kelce

 I don't give a rat's ass.

Make America Great Again just not yet

 Or as my Momma used to say it has to get worse before it gets better.

I think;)

Tariffs on Greenland?

 I'm not getting it.  Nobody wants to retire and move to Greenland.  It's a strategic military location and is said to have rare mineral resources.  OK.  25% tariffs on Canada and Mexico starting today but Trump cut China some slack with only 10% tariffs.  His endgame may be to end the federal income tax and fund the government with tariffs.  Is he shifting the Overton Window?  What's the deal with Greenland?  Can't really put a golf course there.  The subject never came up on the campaign trail.  Look every president does things we disagree with.  Biden didn't do enough to protect the gray wolf.  There was his covid authoritarianism.  I always thought it would be interesting to have one of the Star Trek spinoff shows do an episode on the crew encountering the race of Covidians who always stand six feet apart and worship a Fauci-like figure but I digress point being Trump is taking things to another level and how did the National Review become part of the MAGA cult?  When he's done deporting can he get back to the price of Fancy Feast?  Health care?  Families shouldn't have to go bankrupt because somebody has cancer.  Homan is in his glory but can we take a breather?

BTW can Trump at least slip in a stimulus check or two to my direct deposit?

The RFK Jr. confirmation hearings

 

Rather intense.  Dems didn't warm up to him but no Repubs really came out against.  Said he's not anti-vaccine but pro-safety.  Not against the measles or polio vaccines or kids getting their shots.  Says he'll keep more in line with Trump's views on abortion mainly being an issue for state control.  Appeared at points to confuse Medicare and Medicaid.  No discussion of roadkill recipes.  Another day of questioning. 

Thoughts?

In a surprise move Homan deports himself

 What do you guys think of the ICE raids?  They haven't hit Yonkers yet but I didn't check the list.  Obama holds some sort of record for deportations.  Unk Joe deported his share without the fanfare.  Are there any women out there who find Homan sexy?  Can Homan deport Diddy?  The Pope and the Bishops have issues with Homan and Trump and Vance said some things.  Is Melania going back to Slovenia?  Maybe Gordon Ramsay can have a spinoff Top Illegal Chefs winner doesn't get deported.  Selena Gomez was crying.  Maybe we need a boring president like Gerald Ford.

Forgive the clickbait.