Like I'm not sure what's supposed to happen here

Worked in a deli once and the guy just went on his lunch, a nice young man with an eye for the ladies, and it's kinda slow, early evening and this attractive young lady approaches the counter, looked like Teri Hatcher, and so I very casually saunter over ready to take her order when a blur of color whuuushes past me, the guy's back from lunch and he does her order instead of me and I'm like

wa'happened?

and so, in his head the pretty young woman married to a corporate lawyer, they're both just back from Rio and she's getting the cold cuts, is ready to risk it all and have an affair with a 20-something deli clerk because he was exceedingly nice to her and got her a 1/2 pound of Boar's Head Ovengold Roasted Turkey Breast sliced razor-thin of course, he had to get his micrometer out and a 1/4 lb. of yellow American,

I had more to offer though, much more. I know how to make quiche but he scared her off.

I don't know how to break this to my folks

Sociologist or cultural professor or whatever she is, Christine B. Whelan, writing in yesterday's New York Post, says studies show that the college-educated fare much better in the romance and marriage stakes department, they are less likely to divorce than those without college degrees and far less likely to have kids out of wedlock than us uneducated yokels (presumably those with degrees never use drugs or watch porn either). The degreed also attract more members of the opposite sex, the Educated Man is more likely to be seen as a good provider (Dr. Laura's apologia for Social Darwinism).

I'm concerned. You see my Mom and Dad have been married for over 50 years now. Dad was a Navy WW2 vet and then drove a truck for almost 50 years, Mom never had a degree, both are now happily retired (or are they?) with full pensions and Social Security. How do I tell them they're on the road to ruin?

The bee-itch

You may have heard, a woman on one of John McCain's campaign stops asked him "so how do we beat this bitch?" to which he replied "that's an excellent question." Usual denunciations, now if you make the case the sitatution was highly inappropriate, well ok, I won't argue with you there, just seems to me in a more humorous, less pc age it would all have been so hilariously funny. McCain's from the olde school, for cryin' out loud the guy was a POW for 5 years, can't have a little fun?

Ever walk out of the store at the mall and forget where the hell you parked? So you're walking with your bag and you don't want to look like an idiot, all the silver Honda Civics begin to look alike - "Mommy, who's that man who can't find his car? Is he on drugs?" - and you begin to think your car was stolen until you finally find it and vow it will never happen again but it does.....

A poem.....

Be patient suffering soul, I hear thy cry
The trial fires may glow but I am nigh.
I see the silver and I will refine
Until My image shall upon it shine.
Fear not, for I am near, thy help to be
Greater than all thy pain My love for thee.