Saturday, May 31, 2008

keeping it psycho

Channel-surfing last night and came across "Dateline NBC" and on came these women who had planned on putting out hits on their husbands only thing is they were really contracting out to an "undercover hitman", really a cop. Chris Hansen, of "To Catch of Predator" fame, narrated. Now what's scary, truly disturbing, is not that this is supercommon, it isn't, but it's common enough, these psycho chicks are out there. Every woman was casual about the whole thing, in the "transactions" they talked about it like grocery shopping or getting their hair done. We are living in the Golden Age of the Psycho folks and in the past these ladies had the edge since, as everyone knows, paranoia is

a bad thing

but Chris Hansen is onto their little game. It's all a cheapening of life, blame Roe if you want, blame relativism too, it all made for interesting, even fascinating television in a weird way. What makes this so hard is people don't walk around wearing t-shirts saying "I'm crazy". There's an old joke, an old saying, the people who act the most weird, the most eccentric, the most out-of-the-box or whatever are really not the ones to worry about, it's some of the normal folk out there but they go right under the radar screen because our weirdster alert is up. I like Chris Hansen's journalism more each day, it's groundbreaking in its own way. Kudos.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Your insensitive, politically incorrect Id at work

Had a dream the other night and it went like this. I was in the front of my house and a young black man passed by and stopped, nicely dressed in a casual way. Maybe new in town, kinda quiet and we just had a decent snowfall so to break the ice and be a friendly sort I suggest we build a snowman. Still kind of aloof so I try some humor and go "maybe we can stick a crackpipe in his mouth". Now many people still don't get this, humor in general, and the better comics will tell you it's not your intent to perpetuate stereotypes but to make fun of those very same stereotypes kinda like your Muslim friend you see on his cell phone and you say "what? do you have OBL on speed-dial?" It's whole purpose is to take the sting out of it and sometimes they laugh and sometimes they don't (more often it's the latter these days). It's humor, it need not come with a set of Monarch Notes, and you trust people to know what a NUANCE is. Anyways in my dream-sequence I'm like OH NO! the guy ain't laughing, he looks a little angry and that was kind of the end of it, off to another dream but I think the whole moral of the dream is that some jokes are best left in your head. Oh no, did I just blog about this?

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Under the federal Americans w/Disabilities Act

("another kid's party to go to, I can't make it")

Can you fire a worker with Tourette's Syndrome who tends to curse at customers every now and then? You as department manager have a strict budget to follow, you can only give your workers so many hours so they hire some guy with OCD who, when it comes time to go home can't stop cleaning. He's about to punch out but that grease spot on the wall is bugging the hell out of him so he goes back and starts racking up some serious O.T. You hire some hermaphrodite and he/she makes the point he/she can use any bathroom he/she damn well pleases. Another worker has narcolepsy and keeps falling asleep on the job, can you even write him up? Guy's a sex addict and keeps taking breaks for the old circle jerk. A woman's a chronic insomniac and they just passed a law in your state that driving without proper sleep will henceforth be treated just as severely as driving under the influence so she calls out alot. Sam has a little I.B.S. action or Irritable Bowel Syndrome~~~~~~stranded.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

John Stossel - it's all good!

John Stossel is just the latest to add his .02 in this now tired and quite old drug legalization debate, recently said we should legalize everything as in, well everything. Just read in the paper this morning some 27-year old man who had just smoked a PCP-laced cigarette driving at least 100 MPH mowed down some poor woman somewhere in Brooklyn. Apparently, to hear the drug legalization advocates tell it, if we legalize the stuff tomorrow crime related to the trade would disappear overnight, yeah drug dealers would now have a legitimate and perfectly valid career choice but now they would all just get along with each other, the letters KUMBAYA would be writ large in the sky on a bluebird kind of day and the dulcet strains of Enya's "Orinoco Flow" (that's that Sail Away song you always hear faintly in department stores while you're looking for a nice gray short-sleeved flannel shirt for Father's Day) would descend upon the Earth. Dunno what drives these drug legalizers, some moron wants to hallucinate or whatever and we're to give him or her priority to see Elvis riding the Loch Ness Monster which is why pure libertarianism has never really taken off in this country, for them it's all OKAY but for the rest of us it's morally retarded. John Stossel, love ya bro but bossman whaya thinkin' ?

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Her remarks are not so much offensive... confusing. Hillary met with the editorial board of the Sioux Falls (S.D.) Argus Leader the other day and said she couldn't understood the forces that be that want her to end her campaign. She emphasized that Bill didn't win the Democratic nomination in '92 until mid-June when the California primary was held and then the killer line: "and we all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California." Now in order to be offended we have to understand what was said first but on this one it wasn't so much I was offended as WTF! She later clarified that what she meant was that the Democratic Party has had primary contests that go into June. I call this having a nanosecond of insanity moment, kinda like when you're sleepwalking and think there's a squirrel in your room and you come to your senses and say WTF! It happens so quick, she had some neuron or two temporarily misfire, happens. Obama should have shut up, he'll have a nanosecond or two himself and he won't know when, it'll just come out as some involuntary sneeze/burp before he can stop it, there but for the grace of God. OF COURSE it could be a symptom of her impending meltdown.....

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Denver angst

Now Hill says she's gonna take it all the way to Denver regardless saying she has more of the popular vote than Obama. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi politely explained on one of the morning shows today that it's the delegates that count and she's lacking in that department but that doesn't take into account her gargantuan ambition. Hillary will overthrow the Universe to become Commander-in-Chief if need be and may take this baby into Christmas. It's been said she's positioning herself for 2012, I don't think so, she wants 2012 to be her second term. To paraphrase that new one from Fergie the girl can't help it.

I've heard of sleepwalking but sleepdriving?

So I'm channel-surfing last night and rooting for my favorite Idol star to triumph,


I always thought David was by far and away the best, Dave sure can sing, what a voice that David has

so anyway in between I caught some "Frontline" about depression, some guy with it was showing all the pills he took to battle it, 5 or 6 of 'em, some to combat the side effects of the others like weight gain, real trial and error stuff and I'm like dude, just deal with it. Anyway on another station on comes this ad for the sleepaid Ambien CR, not just one layer like other sleepaids to help you fall asleep but a second layer to help you stay asleep, one possible side effect being driving while not fully awake.

Police Sergeant: "Do you know we clocked you doing 65 mph going down the wrong lane on the freeway? You coulda killed someone!!!"

Ambien Patient: "Yeah but I sure did get a good night's rest though and that's the important thing."

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Geraldine Ferraro, old party hack

She's been touting the line that opposition to Hillary, especially in the msm, is sexist by nature. To be against her is to be sexist by definition. Real Gloria Steinem stuff, people stuck in cultural timewarps. Yes, dinosaurs still roam the Earth folks but here's why the T. Rexes are wrong. Think about it, think about the courts, the culture, our laws. Almost everything is seen through a women's eyes these days, her perspective from child-custody cases in divorce proceedings to Anucha Brown Sanders & oh, don't pay your child support you're a Deadbeat Dad facing some serious jail time. To take a man's view these days or even to consider it is considered retrograde. Whatever animates political opposition to Hillary it ain't this but there Ferraro was on the Today show this morning still talking like it's 1968. Now as has been already pointed out by some conservative commentators this is fascinating stuff to watch, this identity politics thing which is now so firmly entrenched in Democratic Party machinery. You have an African-American dude running, you have an older liberal chick in the race, it's like Ferraro is saying we'd sooner rid ourselves of our latent racism rather than our sexism. We're living in the Age of the Ism only now we have different schools of thought as to which Ism is more important, it's kinda like, how do I say? Al Sharpton and Gloria Allred oil-wrestling (sorry) with those superdelegates in the audience tired of the whole thing. Now what would have really made this race even more interesting than it already is would be for a Gay Guy to run.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Liberals hoist by their own petard

Now if we posit that racism is a part of human nature, I've heard a few libs in my day assert such a universal "truth", then it should cut across the board, no? Like when some social conservative brings up the racist philosophy of Planned Parenthood's founder, eugenicist Margaret Sanger, and why are so many abortion clinics located in so many poor urban areas and NO, their liberal anger at such an accusation, it's like you're a rightie version of the Rev. Jeremiah Wright but I mean if we're all racists deep down and we have to work on this...

Life > death

Friend of mine has a theory. So you die, you enter that long white tunnel full of bright and overpowering light. You're finally at peace, you left your worries and stresses behind on that island called Life. You're approaching the end of the tunnel at long last, you hear a few faint voices (an uncle that passed? an old friend?) and wait, what is that? it's a timeclock and that big old black-rimmed clock above the desk says 6:30 AM and you're about to clock in. Boss says "get this out real quick and then I'm sending you up the line", you get a cup of Joe and an Entenmann's...

Sunday, May 18, 2008

I'm not a liberal...

...I just have liberal positions (Obama)

"I'm not an alcoholic, I'm an alcohol abuser" (Billy Joel to Katie Couric)

I'm not a criminal, I just commit crimes.

I'm not a drug dealer, I just sell drugs.

I'm not a stalker, I just follow people (the old Jack Jordan line)

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Welcome to the general election buddy!

Bush made some recent noise about those liberal "appeasers" of terrorists, those who want to compromise and talk with them and Obama took great offense at having his manhood questioned and so Bush and friends said

"were we talking about you brother?"

just a flava of the upcoming election brotherman, get used to it. Now Obama has gone on record as saying he would meet with the leaders of such rogue nations as Iran, Syria and North Korea and now doesn't like to be called a pansy on foreign policy. He'd rather it all be a game of whiffle ball between himself and Mac, softball even and he'll choose the umpire.

chin music bro, don't crowd the plate like that

but if you ask me this McCain guy seems in it to win it and now you can't even use the Hagee thing against him 'cause the good Rev just apologized to the Catholic League but you seem to have gotten a bad case of the cooties from that Wright guy and they don't seem to be going away. Then there's that Weatherman and I ain't talkin' 'bout Sam Champion. Dude, things are gonna get off the hook after your Convention and you can't keep quoting from your Emily Post Rules of Etiquette that you have tucked under your arm. Toughen up! grow a pair.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Some homey sayings

They say this in the kitchen alot: "If you have time to lean you have time to clean."

Saw this one in a restroom once: "If you sprinkle while you tinkle please be neat and wipe the seat."

On an edgy t-shirt: "It's funny until somebody gets hurt, then it's hilarious." (hmmm...don't know about that one)

"I used up all my sick time, now I'm calling in dead."

"Don't hate, participate" (we've covered that), "people who live inside your head" (like that poor man's Kennedy neighbor we all have, he's strictly middle-class but has clout, knows some bigshots and can park on the street cleaning side w/o getting a ticket), "people who masturbate your mind" (like what Obama is doing right now with practically everybody except a few lonely bloggers)

"the great mental flush" like when you dream all night about practically everything, your mind's way of going through your mental dumpster, didn't think that job of so many years ago could still haunt your dreams huh?

"I'm not afraid of dead people, I'm afraid of live people" (very apropos in this day & age) and finally,

"It's a great life if you don't weaken."

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Alice in Wonderland voters

It's been said in most quarters that Obama practically has the nomination sewn up and Hillary should just gracefully bow out and get ready for her run in 2012, the punditocracy says this makes the most sense, but shouldn't this be the other way around? Shouldn't Obama have waited until at least '012 if not later to run and shouldn't Hillary be the nominee as in today? in a rational universe, yes.

Kool-Aid! get your Kool-Aid here folks, Kool-Aid!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

You may have heard

about the troubles currently besetting Staten Island Republican Rep. Vito Fossella, preached "family values" his whole life but got arrested recently for a DWI but more importantly, at least in terms of the media, is the revelation that, although married and a family guy, he had an extramarital affair with a lady, she got in the family way herself and bore him a daughter. Now there are calls in some quarters for him to resign but what I don't get, if you take out the DWI from the equation, our friend and hero Bill Clinton got away with hummers right there in the Oval Office (or in some hallway just off the library way there) with an intern no less, he was impeached for perjury in the Paula Jones sexual harassment case relating to this matter but he became stronger over time, he even seemed more popular after the sex stuff. T-shirts appeared out of nowhere in trendy malls across the nation - "so he had an affair, get over it" - and one guy told me "so what, my 401K is doing great", so what's the BIG DEAL about this Fossella guy anyway?

Monday, May 12, 2008

I'd sooner read a tube of toothpaste

than read Barbara Walters' new book Audition which, during one interview on a radio station here, she said would make a wonderful Mother's Day gift. Every book has to have a hook to sell and hers is her Affair. I was never into Barbara Walters, she once famously asked Katherine Hepburn "if you were a tree what kind of tree would you be?" (oh I don't know, a weeping willow?) Never much was into celebrity worship anyway, hated those pre-Oscar specials where she'd chat up three big-time celebrities. I myself, if I met a celebrity today could care less to ask for their autograph, don't care if I have a mini-Mead memopad on me, that's for shopping lists and such. They all be so interesting during the Big Interview but I believe Don Rickles once said it best when he said of the famous they all go on the throne like us regular folk or words to that effect & don't bother those bigger bombshells, they of the golden, um, womb, 1/2 of 'em are already reserved for horndog crooner John Mayer anyway and kudos-cubed for ex-View co-host Star Jones' recent commentary on l'affaire Babs, it was refreshing. Now if she were to put the rest of her thoughts in print I'd be the first on line at Barnes&Noble.

Talk about baggage

Obama looks like he's getting ready to board JetBlue! There's the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, then there's his longstanding friendship with 70's Weatherman terrorist and radical Bill Ayers, we have Obama's recent elitist comments at that SanFran get-together, and then there's his book in which he rather casually talks about his little bit of casual pot and coke use in his youth when times were rough ("a little pot, a little blow but no smack").

a little Samsonite action

...toothbrush (check), clean underwear (check), socks (check)...

"Sir, can I help you with that?"

Saturday, May 10, 2008

That's mighty white of you

Why is it ok for Obama to talk of his support among African-Americans but Hillary can't talk about her support among middle-class working-class whites without college degrees? So what's up with organized punditry these days? they all speak with the same voice and this echo chamber insists Hillary leave now and cede the nomination to Obama or else risk tearing the very fabric of the Democratic Party apart. Whence comes this melodramatic hyperbole? (yes, I can out-Will George Will at times) In the olde days the longer and more drawn out and fierce a primary season was it was all good, now we have our candidate and he's gone through our crucible, should be the right guy (or gal) for the job. The chattering classes have got it all wrong, the real question is not should she drop out but is he even sellable in the general election against McCain? The Cult of Obama has gotten everyone, including even many prominent conservatives, totally disoriented and off-center. Wake up and smell the coffee people and pundits, who do you really want answering that phone at 3 in the AM?

Thursday, May 08, 2008

anti-smoking ads

They've gotten more gruesome but the latest one, some woman who lost the tips of her fingers, now they're just stubs, has something to do with bone shear but I would hazard a week's salary and go out on a limb here and say the vast majority of smokers know it's bad for you, ok, so knowing this they've made their choice so what's the point of all these ads? I thought we were pro-choice here.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Alot of African news going on

Don't know if you 've heard, it was the smallest squib in the NY Post somewhere in the middle yesterday, but the other day a U.S. Navy ship in the Indian Ocean launched some cruise missiles deep into Somalia killing the al-Qaeda leader there, the notorious 30-old Aden Hashi Ayro. Also killed were Ayro's brother and ten of his top lieutenants. Then there's Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe and his refusal to step down graciously after losing an important election to the leader of the opposition party, Morgan Tsvangirai, head of the Movement for Democratic Change. Mugabe of the ZANU-PF party says it was 47.9% to 43.2% in which close case there's supposed to be some kind of run-off or something but Tsvangirai says he won by 50.3% and therefore things were rigged. Elsewhere there's a critical food shortage in Malawi, the main meal everyday from aide workers consists basically of your porridge, no Mickie D's or pizza joints over there. As a sidenote someone once gave me a small bag of Malawi gin, not bad.

It's not all about Paula, Miley, Britney, UMA, Lindsay or Jeremiah. There be another world out there and I'm glad to see the Bush Administration not so exclusively focused on Iraq anymore, there are many al-Qaeda cells in Africa, there have been embassies bombed there but it's all about "The Insider" these days and who crooner John Mayer is bedding or Patrick Dempsey being named by "People" magazine as sexiest man alive. So kudos to the Newshour with Jim Lehrer for their heavy focus on African issues recently, too bad even they were forced to cover Eliot Spite-zer's sex life not that long ago but they were forced to since he was a sitting governor, it's not like they had a panel discussion on Paula's Idol confusion (no, not one of us ever woke up not knowing what day it was or forgot somebody's name at work). Tabloid journalism, it's like when you were young and your Mom said to eat an orange when there's a box of Devil Dogs on top of the breadbox.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Would you argue with God?

or why even conservatism tends towards moral relativism in the end, aka liberalism

Steamtable Catholicism got me thinking. I mentioned there that even many of those staunch conservative and tradition-minded Catholics don't care to fully partake of that item known as Catholic Just War Doctrine which, honestly applied, holds that the nuclear bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki was ethically wrong. Has nothing to do with politics per se, one very important principle of the Church's teaching is that you cannot deliberately target innocent civilian populations in time of war, ok. Now I would hazard a guess most modern-day conservatives support Truman's action but the question before the board today is this - would you argue with God? Put another way, let's say when we go before God someday he kindly explains to us that by His Divine Reckoning that particular action was grossly immoral, would we still stubbornly hold to our positions and even argue the point before Him or would we humbly admit our mistake and errors in our moral reasoning? It's a rhetorical, theoretical question and can be applied to any issue under the sun, I'm using this one today because of the vast majorities who still say we did the right thing. The arguments advanced for the bombing all smack of moral relativism, pragmatism and I really need not repeat them here, the salient point being most people don't seem to care but what does God think? Shouldn't the moral compass of a religious and spiritual nation be higher than this?

Would you argue with God? (Honorable mention goes to conservative thinkers Joe Sobran, Pat Buchanan and the late Russell Kirk for opposing the use of the Bomb)