Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Shrillary, the Oprah Candidate

Hillary resents that George Bush may leave her his war to deal with which would be akin to Richard Nixon saying he resented LBJ leaving him the Vietnam mess, real, um, men deal with these matters everyday. Agree or disagree with the war in Iraq presidential candidates of true fiber generally do not talk like this, if the mess persists into a Hillary term she can deal with it her way by simply bringing the troops home. This is Dr. Phil talk, imagine the late Margaret Thatcher talking like this!

People who masturbate your mind

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Conservatism defined

The instant gratification generation and change as the illusion of stability

I know of many young couples who, having been married only a few years, have bought houses. Many times it is the pressure from the wife to get out of apartment living and an older generation would have said wait a while, save some money before you become saddled with a mortgage but these are people who each have a car in their own name. The idea of taking public transportation to save and getting a new car down the road, in short the very idea of suffering and discomfort in the now for long-term gain, is alien to the age that wants it all and wants it today, pay now to save later is a relic from a wiser but extinct generation. We want to make love by the fireplace with the Barry White music pumping


this hovel we call an apartment is cramping our STYLE.

You can pretend all you want the house is yours but job security ain't what it used to be, what with the New World Order and all, and one only look through your local Pennysaver to see so many romantic illusions shattered. Conservative values this ain't, things like forbearance, sacrifice, patience, financial prudence (this is the credit-card generation after all), in other words living within your means. We'd rather be in debt than go without. Me? I now pay cash on the barrelhead wherever I go even if it means people look at me like a fossil.

liberalism = change, conservatism = keeping traditions

Conservatives, in marked contrast to liberals, as a cardinal rule do not question government or its institutions, not in the general sense anyway, or law and order, in a word, authority. Social and political stability is this movement's highest value even at the expense that they should question things more from time to time. Liberals, by contrast, seem to be all about social unrest, an attitude that began in the '60s and continues today. Witness the Revs. Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson and the hundreds of their followers protesting last November's NYPD police shooting death of the 23 year old black man to be married that day, Sean Bell, who was unarmed but may have been trying to run a police officer over with his car. The conservative would say what was he doing at a crime-infested strip joint in a bad part of Queens at that time of night (or why hold a bachelor party at all for that matter) but all these elements of proper social order and living are irrelevant to the activists. The overriding need for political and social stability is why, to this day, conservatives can't bring themselves to question the Vietnam War and they have only now brought themselves around to accepting the historic rightness of the Civil Rights Movement of the '60s.

to be continued..... People who masturbate your mind

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Change vs. stability - why change is overrated

We recently had two of our best workers leave. One, a talented and hardworking young chef was with us for a year and a half and the other was a chef/manager who stayed a couple of years longer than him. The consensus at work is that change is good, it is exciting, everyone needs a change and so good for them but in my view it can look lousy on a resume or job application. Yeah, change is jazzy for the person leaving, new adventures and mountains to climb, but to a potential employer it looks like you get bored easily with your jobs or disgruntled or something at least after a time. Stability is boring though and to preach its value over the idea of change leaves you in the definite minority. It bears noting that both of these men who left are young, in the mid to late 20's range, and so being young they haven't yet discovered the wisdom of traditional values like stability. In this sense a job is like a marriage and these two guys haven't settled down yet.

Some will say personal responsibility is the key behind the conservative movement but personal responsibility is only one thing that leads to social stability. It is stability, stability in the social and sexual sphere, in one's work, in life in general that is the real driving force behind conservatism. This is why conservatives preach marriage is between a man and a woman, why committed relationships, while not as strong as marriage, are far preferable to promiscuity, why many times it is better to stick with one job even though it may cause you no end of grief (Mom's wisdom), that boss you may hate may be transferred soon if you just hang in there. Young people like motion and movement is inherent to change, the wisdom of stability doesn't appeal to them yet as it represents inertia, sexually, socially, workwise and in every way.

They say most people start out more liberal in their earlier years and become more conservative with age. I don't know if this is true for Kirk Douglas who still feels the immature male need to brag about the sexual conquests in his youth (his controversial new autobiography Let's Face It - 90 Years of Living, Loving and Learning) but for me conservatism makes the most sense. A society without stability is chaos.People who masturbate your mind

Friday, January 26, 2007


Thousands have died for my freedom. Only one has died to save my soul.People who masturbate your mind

Thursday, January 25, 2007

It's been how many days since Isaiah called TR a faggot?

Simon Cowell ain't afraid though. On last night's "American Idol" a young guy came on who had a high falsetto voice and Simon said "you should be wearing a dress and stilettos." Bravo brotherman! Well done, well done. As long as he stays away from remarks about the appearance they were born with it doesn't cross the line.

I honestly don't know how they do it, it astonishes me. I have a piece of Gouda with some Grey Goose the night before and the next day I can't get a clean break if you know what I mean.

You know what would be really radical? If a person apologized for something and that was the end of it and we all moved on. I know I'm behind the times here but the guy already said "I'm sorry" and now they mandate 10 days of counseling for his "homophobia". Can you imagine what would happen if he said something against a Jewish gay guy, Mel to the 10th power. People who masturbate your mind

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Testing the ice on the cold frozen lake of human intolerance

I seem to be a magnet for members of both sexes at times and so I worked with this gay guy once, he wasn't the in your face political type but he'd test the ice from time to time with things like "gays have suffered throughout history" and "who'd want to be gay in this society?" Now you may not be stridently anti-gay yourself, you don't hate them but you don't understand it either let alone dig it, and so if you don't respond in a sufficiently pc way he starts to hear crackling and gurgling noises out there (GULP) and trots back to shore and doesn't bring the matter up with you again. Three days later though you see him heading out towards the middle of the frozen lake again in his dark blue snorkel suit with the eskimo hood and he has a new friend. He augurs a 6 inch hole as all ice-fishermen do and lowers his little worm, jigs the bait a few times and comes up with "everyone is latently gay" and even uses the very erudite word polymorphous perversity. Now this guy was far more sensitive than you to the plight of the Gay Male in Modern Society but he too gets the heebie-jeebies and gets the hell off the ice and the nice and polite gay man who wasn't bothering anyone is left stranded on the frigid and frozen reservoir of human indifference.People who masturbate your mind

Monday, January 22, 2007

I can only take so much male bonding

I've been running into some old buddies of late and we've been getting together. Couldn't have come at a better time as I've been suffering of late from severe spells of ennui which is a fancy French word describing overwhelming boredom with Life in general. So you all go out and do your thing and enjoy each other's company and reminisce but it all seems ever so slightly

gay (not that there's anything wrong with that)

You start feeling like a roving bunch of faggots, hey maybe we can, um, "rest" at one of those stops on the interstate on our way to the Mall, get a little Jim McGreevey action in. It always seems lost buddies you come in contact with later in life, never lost loves. There are no.....possibilities. You're both eating your burgers and drinking your Coronas (oh, such a manly brew!) and you look across the table at your pal and wish he had breasts and a nice pair of gams with that oh so intoxicating perfume. I can only take so much male bonding. I desperately need some McCounseling.People who masturbate your mind

Yesterday's soap opera

MSM tired of the Drama of the Clintons

On the "Today" show this morning David Gregory set the stage. He interviewed Hillary campaign spokesman Terry McAuliffe (yes that Terry McAuliffe) and kept interjecting things like her business dealings in the past, her husband's scandals and summed it up best when he said aren't we just tired of the whole drama of the Clintons by now. You see for the liberal msm the Clintons are so yesterday, we have fell madly and hopelessly in love with this new stud Barack and wouldn't it be nice if liberalism could be clean once in a while. Here here...meanwhile all the conservatives like John Podhoretz are warmly and oh so politely welcoming Hillary to the race as if to atone for their past impeachment zeal. It should be interesting without the msm on her side. Can we talk?People who masturbate your mind

Saturday, January 20, 2007

When you're right you're right

Score one for the Rosie

She is right on in her remarks about "American Idol" and in particular Simon Cowell and his cruelty. This is where the culture is at right now and truth be told the Donald is a dick too, holding his "Apprentice" party at Hef's Playboy Mansion. You can't blame Melania for having a clause about affairs in their prenup, he's a god in his own head who can't take the slightest criticism. I liked Dr. Phil's thoughts on Idol, these are people who only want their 15 minutes of fame, go easy already!

So Liz Smith thinks the hit show "24" is too right-wing for her and wonders what Kiefer Sutherland's father, Donald, thinks of it all. In the season premiere the Counter Terrorist Unit of LA, CTU, negotiated with terror mastermind Fayed to give them the head of their star agent, Jack Bauer, on a plate in order to prevent future attacks on American soil. This is a right-wing position Liz? Bush wouldn't even compromise with Zarqawi to save Nick Berg's head. Ah, the perils of judging something you haven't even seen, something the libs are constantly chastising us not to do.

Great show "20/20" did last night on credit-card companies and how they love people to go into debt they can't get out of, that's how they make their millions. The show makes you angry at all those country club Republicans who were so key in passing bankrupty "reform" at the behest of these usurious credit-card companies who began whining about families being unable to meet their debt obligations. Loansharks and Republicans, perfect together. This is why the Repubs will continue to lose election after election, they no longer speak for the Common Man like they used to. People who masturbate your mind

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Sean Hannity has better beer

I was asked recently by a good Internet friend why I've been so hard on Bill O'Reilly of late. Here it is. In the past O'Reilly boasted of his political independence, he was fond of saying he is not a conservative (look at his environmental views) or a liberal (he hates secularism), but now he just reflexively takes right-wing positions as with the war. I simply prefer the cooler O'Reilly of the past. The new O'Reilly simply wants to be popular and accepted on that National Review cruise ship coming up, you know, the Caribbean voyage with Thomas Sowell as chef, Rush Limbaugh at the helm, and WFB Jr. in the lounge as elder statesman smoking his pipe.

The genius of Season 6 of "24". Every time you think they're making fun of liberals and their concerns they go after conservatives and their extremism, but wait a minute those victims of ethnic profiling were terrorists plotting mayhem after all and maybe the conservatives had a point, then again the libs have a point about all those detention camps rounding up Muslims. "24" has both liberal and conservative writers, FOX and CBS can take a lesson here.People who masturbate your mind


Men who make a big deal out of their prowess with women, who feel the constant need to assert their profound heterosexuality, they come up with the most improbable scenarios, you know

"I work 3 jobs every day and I always have time for a little tapping"

they're gay.

When it comes to adultery women are worse than men. So far at my job, apparently a place churning with lust, at least two married women initiated sexual relationships with male co-workers and have even flaunted it. On the WorldWideWeb not a day goes by when a man doesn't get a come-on from a married woman. At strip clubs men just sit there and gaze and ponder the Mysteries of the Universe, the booty helps them think, but at places like Chippendales women act like real savages. So much for the more virtuous sex.

So how do non-ideological people vote? They are the key to elections after all. OK, so you don't like the practices of Big Business (so far so Dem) but you hate the killing of unborn babies (ok, you're a Repub). Where is your home? Neither party speaks for you but you feel it is your duty to vote every year, where do you turn? You see Sean Hannity and James Carville as polar idiots, do you even have a choice anymore, everything is so ideologically driven. People who masturbate your mind

Sunday, January 14, 2007

What a Hillary victory would mean

Conservatives who want to bring the war front and center into the '08 presidential race need to consider Hillary's future Democratic victory acceptance speech as screened through the z-man truth filter:

Let's oil up the abortion machines. Let's tune 'em up, get 'em going, change the filters. Line the kids up.....People who masturbate your mind

Slow news cycle

The Sen. Barbara Boxer (D-CA) remark about Condi Rice never having married and borne kids so she can't appreciate the full price families pay for war, it was in poor taste but not "outrageous, breathtaking, where to begin? the Mother of All Insults" as conservatives have characterized it. Both the Left and Right have their own funhouses, those hallways full of mirrors that distort and magnify things. Last we checked there was a giant pubic hair chasing Anita Hill. It's always much more fun to do this rather than keep things in their proper perspective, that's why we call it a funhouse.

I'm watching "The McLaughlin Group" this Sunday morning and this Eleanor Clift from Newsweek has been on for years, never seems to take a vacation. I'm starting to think of her not as a panelist but as a drab wilted plant they have for the decor, change it already.

Here's a quick test as to whether you are really a conservative or a neoconservative. You have to choose on this one and you can't say both but if we went back in time and had the choice to bring either Osama or Saddam to justice who would it be? If you said Saddam instead of Osama you have a larger geopolitical agenda at work.People who masturbate your mind

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Be careful what you wish for

or the perils of a sex-obsessed society

Bob, the partly balding mid 40-something accountant in all those Levitra and Cialis ads, the kind you don't want to imagine having a ball-slapping good time with anyone, can't salute the missus anymore but he finally has the Magic Bullet.

Bob: "Honey, it's been about 3 hours and 20 minutes and it hasn't gone down yet. Should I call the doctor?"
Missus: "Just wait a little while. Wait about 20 minutes. The threshold of the warning hasn't been reached yet and in the meantime try to concentrate on something else like world famine or Rosie O'Donnell masturbating."

(Later at the doctor's office)
Doc: "I really don't know what to tell you. I haven't been trained in this. Maybe I should just break the damn thing."

(audience - arrrrgggghhhhh)

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.People who masturbate your mind

Monday, January 08, 2007

The Rosie O'Donald Feud

Rosie has a tendency to dwell on rather unimportant items in the news. She went on and on about Clay Aiken's hand covering Kelly Ripa's mouth and now, as we all know, she doesn't like the fact that the Donald gave Tara Conner, MissUSA, a second chance. One of the founding priniciples of political correctness is never forgive once somebody messes up or says or does something offensive and so I guess it is radical in this day and age to be given that second chance. I think the Donald likes the classical submissive woman, the European beauty who is feminine and subtly sexual, and Rosie represents the polar opposite, the brash and obnoxious tomgirl who kicked you in the nuts in the 4th grade. Melania is Hellenic in her beauty and Rosie looks like she works on the wharf hauling the mackerel in.

Just my .02 People who masturbate your mind

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Why comics all swing from the left

I finally figured out why so many comedians swing to the Left, maybe it's just because the Right is so much easier to make fun of. The Left may be wrong about most things but they may be right about the War, even a little bit. The Right might be right about many things but wrong about the War, even a tad. It would be too easy to make a Macabre House on the Left, what with Terri Schiavo and New York Times Magazine reporters who never met an abortion they didn't like, throw in a feminist coven or two for good measure, but the Left is pretty much upfront about their Death Worship these days, what makes the Macabre House on the Right much more scary is that they purport to be

The Party of Morality and All That is Decent,

people you can trust. I expect more. As the Joelster says "I'm movin' out!"People who masturbate your mind

Isn't this what free speech is all about?

There is a crotchety middle-aged man in town whom the other conservatives seem to shun, some even call him a closet lib. He can be found most nights at the Tavern & Grille at the end of town holding court, getting in touch with the common pulse. Last night you walked in and heard him put down Betty Ford for breaking down at Gerry's memorial service. At first you are shocked by the outrageousness of his words but then you sense an original thought, a rare commodity these days. Then you realize you've always had these unformed thoughts rattling around in your mental attic somewhere but you were never fully aware of it. You've often thought yourself why do religious folk who believe in God and an afterlife get so bent out of shape when a loved one dies even when they don't die tragically but in a normal and expected fashion, life having run its course. You would never say this and anyway people mourn in their own way but now you kinda like the guy regardless and could probably have a decent conversation with the man about the 20 year old guy who was arrested the other day in a Staten Island McDonald's for calling a clerk a faggot for not giving him a McFlurry, whatever happened to free speech, what are we some police state or something? Many in the bar like the man and enjoy his company but the other, more respectable denizens of RightTown like O'Reilly hate the guy 'cos he doesn't get with the program. He makes fun of both Left and Right and you're not supposed to do this, pick a side, any side buddy and stick with it. He even disparagingly called Sean and Rush border collies in his new book for barking and yapping at any conservative who dares stray too far off the plantation. The chutzpah, the audacity, the nerve...

the balls.

His name is Michael Savage. People who masturbate your mind

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

From Whitewater to genitals all in one season

A middle-aged but young looking man with a rather pleasant looking face approaches you. He has the hint of a benign smile forming and has glasses on and is wearing a pair of beige Dockers with some casual brown loafers and a short sleeve sky blue polo shirt with a fancy, rather intricate design done in a wavy pattern. It's probably you and your latent thoughts (you really should get that checked out) but it somehow reminds you of male and female genitalia with some spermatozoa thrown in. He is smoking a cigar and has some Macadamia nuts in his hand.

"Hi! I'm Ken Starr, I'm your next door neighbor."People who masturbate your mind

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

It's a vibe thing

Macabre House on the Right

Since you can remember you were always against abortion, euthanasia and the Playboy philosophy at the root of it all and were looking for a nice place to live in a good neighborhood. You fell in love with the House on the Right and it had a good school district that didn't teach kids they came from apes and how to put on a Trojan and so you settled in. You don't know why you didn't notice it before with your walk with the realtor but there it is when you were chilling one night in the living room, an enlarged and framed photo of Saddam hanging from the gallows, next to that is a psychedelic poster of a huge mushroom cloud. On the coffee table are National Review magazine articles in defense of the late right-wing Chilean strongman Augusto Pinochet, he may have tortured people and violated some human rights but he was more congenial to our national interests than other dictators, like say Saddam. On the bookshelf are bound testimonials published by Judie Brown of the American Life League, testimonials from married couples themselves who have divorced each other because they had sex with each other before the wedding day. You look in the stereo cabinet and see CDs like "Sean Hannity's Greatest Radio Hits", #3 track - Nick Berg screaming during his beheading at the hands of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi.

And that's only the living room, you haven't checked the attic and the cellar yet.People who masturbate your mind


Though they won't complain about it this time there is a reason why many neocons are wary of the International Criminal Court. They know it was theoretically possible (although highly improbable) that Harry Truman could have been brought to trial for nuking two Japanese cities and they also know that former Secretary of State and National Security Advisor Henry Kissinger is oft mentioned by those on the Left as a candidate. In his book The Trial of Henry Kissinger (Verso Books - 2001) Christopher Hitchens indicts Kissinger for his alleged involvement in the following - the war in Indochina, mass murder in Bangladesh, assassinations in Santiago, Nicosia and Washington DC, and also for sabotaging the Vietnam peace accords at Paris and thereby prolonging the war. Hell, while we're at it why don't we bring ole Fidel to justice before he croaks? Let's throw in Venezuelan strongman Hugo Chavez as a 2 fer.People who masturbate your mind